As I sit ....

As I sit my mind drifts slowly into the universe , I being "high" well more than I'd like to admit fills me lethargy. Everything reminds me of my past all my "past" pasts. I remember watching a movie once where one character said to the other " they are certain events that forever define our lives as before and after, and we forever define our lives as before and after ."I have had so many before and after moments that I tend to be afraid of much more I can take. Thinking about Greg and the babies and New Years Eve and the then fight. I've remembered so much, things no human being , let alone a child , should have to see. I went to go see an obgyn the other day and I had to tell him about the miscarriage knowing the reaction I would get . He had to check ..call the hospital ..oh its true...he returns pale white at the truth. I have received my new leg and have begun decorating it with temporary tattoos, but mostly I am afraid . Not in the sense that i was when i wrote most of this , remind you this is coming from a person in shock . There are many of literary mistakes , but at that moment all that mattered was getting it out the fact I was able to piece together a semi- coherent thought to me is and was a miracle.
You see , for a long time all I knew of my life was that I came from a dysfunctional modern-day family. Daddy hit mommy, was too hard on brother and Mommy had sudden outbursts of stressful screaming , I later then stopped referring them to temper tantrums . Then suddenly at the age of 21 things began to take an odd turn. Until then, besides the fact that I was afflicted with Ewings Sarcoma at the age of six, my life had not been to incredibly interesting.