About 4 years ago I had encountered what some maybe referring to as " the Crazies", or "the fear" . It was a horrible time where every minute hurt and every second was a horrible reminder that some if not all the people I held close to my already shattered heart had tried their very best to destroy it. Some of the most peculiar things began to occur . People, places and things were not safe and nothing felt comfortable or could ease the ache that thundered through my mind. I , eventually found myself a hopeless alcoholic begging for change so I could drink to pass out since I was not getting any medical help at the time . The details that eventually lead to my psyche's dismal demise , I will go into further detail as time and space harmoniously pulsate along . However in memory of Greg and Gerard the two best Capricorns I've ever loved: the following is an account of the meta-physical torment I went through . If any one has felt desolate, forsaken, or lost lately. Don't worry you're not alone.
Its been about two months and a half since I had my breakdown and while my anxiety has diminished the depression continues its scared on me like one of my tattoos everyone tells them this things aren’t happening , I cant believe because I know what I have seen heard and experienced and hate them all for it , I mostly angry at god for not doing anything about the wickedness of these people and what they are doing it leaves me to wonder if there really is a god , but iwas if there is all true there must be god , but right now I wish I could I r crazy then none of this would have happened.
Dear god,
I have been totaled dumbfounded by what you call your will I have felt such a rescentment towards you before but I now known that if there is a devil whom hates me then their must be a god who loves me or at least doesn’t hate me as much , right now all I can think of is what the fuck . who do you think you are and I slightly sympthazise with satan although my hatred and distest grows for him more and more especially his stupid little foot-soliders like jesus and Atari the hardest one I have a hard time dealing with is ish and ceasar , I haqte that you allowed me to become close and then swipe them from my fucken sight . what the fuck !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am still pissed but out of the two one can only determine the lesser of evils and since I am concerned about my after life I will take up your sword whatever it may be , I ll write paint and exercise every moment I can . eventhought I agree with frida you have a lot of explaining to do bitch . and I mean that in the sincerest fashion , and even of I don’t well you can tell anyway. Just can you fucken hel me out here asshole. Huh!!!!! Cant you !!!! I doubt I assume from this moment out of all this things I have found out to be true that I am while you root me on klike a cheerleader from the sidelines I am utterly alone , the other disgusts me , the first drive to a point of utter ampathy . every good blessing you have allowed to corpurt , and abandoned me but I know no other way fo surviving this curse I call life , I have the same mutual feelings for you as I do my mother , while your intentions were benevolent you fucked up a lot and I am the one left paying for your sins , bitch. So now I shal write hoping that one tenth of the misery and pain and grief you have repeatedly anointed me with into this book , then again I don’t , unless your on my side however it seems you titter on the edge enjoying the devils sadatisic tricks which in your almighty wisdom have allowed him to drench my life in , thank you god oh so MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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