To Crush my voice .

Dear Diary ,

I went out last night and it kinda sucked. There had to be at least , I counted , 16 dudes in beards . I have no idea how the amish look got so incredibly popular , but I wish it would die its, gross . Not everyone should look like a lumberjack. Well, there was supposed to be an open mic show tonight but I will never know what happened because my mother cheesed out on me . It was kinda messed up the way she did it and took my feelings in to little consideration. I needed to express myself . How angry I am for being banned by the cult , just for shits and giggles. The debate over what has happened in the past two years , dave grohls death , the fight ( or more aptly the beatdown!!), My miscarriage , and the multiple murders connected with it . How I hate obama , he has killed an innocent native American after handing him a metal for peace !!! America why are you so scared?
It bothers the shit out of me and it leads me to believe we are insensitive , fearful cowards. I wish someone would take something serious for once in this country that didnt feed hate greed or poverty . Thats not what I thought America to be about . I hate that Jon Stewart can hang around children freely with out a care in this world and I have no home in which I can say I have peace. I hate everytime he touched my skin or I had to kiss him or be intimate with him just to avoid getting hurt or raped. I hate how my mother doesn't want to admit to what she did. I hate her secretly sometimes ...deeply.I dont know what she expects me to be . I believe she sees me as sort of permanently handicapped to where I cant take care of my self or manage anything on my own.
I mean if I stop writing what will that do as it is I feel as if I am ready to pop . I think about how they hurt me all the time . All the touching and the stress of never knowing if or when it would happen again . Then I get enraged of how I have to go through everything again to be okay with it .Furthermore I realize that I amk utterly alone in this world alone in my experiences . No one is quite like me , who else can say they have held so much for so long and to peel it out seems just as cruel as the act it self. I luckly have not gone insane or psycho I am just a little traumatized and depressed . I have even as the goddess have no control over people and if I dont who will , yourself try to hold yourself accountable for your actions. " to thine own self be true..."