and on my skin ..sticky gooey entanglements with men. The suffocating flesh heaving all over my infant body . all these thoughts rage war on my mind . I cant stop having the thoughts , less anxiety , which is good. Its called flooding ...a million at a time and then one at a time . I get so nauseious sometimes and light-headed then i remember to breathe. there where moments when I was younger where I thought they where going to kill me . I remember them (matt and brian ), wouldnt keep their fingers out of me , starting at age 3. now i wish Someone would break their fingers
off. Break their noses and pull out their fingernails . Crush their balls with baseball bats , and busting their backs open with crowbars. I hate men right now and cant think about the world , I am leaving that up to atlas as it where . I need time just to be sick and healing the gaping wounds in my heads , burnt out holes like cigarettes on paper. Around every hidden fold in my mind lurks an other time and place ;one of helplessness .Sickness , disease and men 's fantasies , they all seem to dirty me. Anus bleeding , bathed in spit , and throat torn everlong. you fucken bastards everlonging to let go of wanting to break their chest open .
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