Candlelighters, at the time I was 16, had asked me to go on one of their trip(s) to go to New Mexico to go skiing over spring break. This had been around the time "they ", the daddies, had been coming back to see me. I despised those knocks on my window in the middle of the night . Seeing Greg with Hayley (paramore) clinging to his side. Or God forbid it be Peter Giles or Tom Hanks looking for their baby, they were demeaning , hateful and enraged. They had ,around my sophomore year in high school , started checking out the girls there..... at my high school. Hanging out across the street ,heads covered in hats , faces disguised with huge sunglasses. It was creepy . Their presence made me feel ashamed . I was hoping they were there because of anyone else but me . I mean all these guys did was fuck and rape , Lord knows how many girls they had here in El Paso and back in Hollywood not to mention groupies , hookers , actresses ,( after Cindy went out with Anthony most of the Models learned to stay away from them) and waitresses they had been fucking. Why did they need,desire and ravenously tear away at; my flesh? Well by my junior year in high school they had made their re-entrance into my life. So who doesnt like a free vacation, I was a good kid , didnt try to go out and wreck havoc . I waited till my senior year , then I started to rock out but even that made them jealous. They were so on my fucken ass I despised all of them for it. So innocently ; went to New Mexico,but this fucken whore, one of Swaneys "older" kids had seen an attachment grow between Gerard and I .
This, she (Diane A. who was director) despised, because she had molested Gerard from childhood into early adulthood. She said she hated spics , however that was a lie , she hated hispanic women. She was always envious of me , but in an unclear and disturbing way. Something, at that age, I couldnt understand or even begin to fathom. However , after that night, I knew it had; to do with Gerard . And that this little "escapade" had Greg's backing, again for reasons even now I cant contemplate. So we get settled into this little cabin , had a great night and went to bed around 11:00 p.m. Then four hours later , I am awoken by Millhouse( Jon Stewart) he was sitting on the edge of; the bed I and another young girl were sharing. I got up , and pleaded in a whisper " I'll go with you , just please be quiet and dont wake her up ."; He looked behind his shoulder and checked her out . He then looked over to me, scanned me up and down then said" well hurry the fuck up ." He said it quietly , I got out of bed slipped on my leg and my jeans ; despite Millhouse's protests. I followed him downstairs to the den of the cabin . Jimmy( "Jay" from Jay and Silent Bob) and some local guy were sitting on the couch watching a home made porno. In the family , they called them "home Movies" , it was of; Greg fucking Hayley( paramore,being about 20 at that time).
Jimmy looked at me and asked how did that make me feel. I looked at the couple in the screen , and said "they happy?" . He looked down at the ground and muttered a yeah . I knew it was a lie . " Then it doesnt matter how I feel ." Gerard was there and Diane was pulling at his shirt and pants . He pushed back his chair from hers and crossed his arms around his chest. " So whats the drill, here. Please let us just keep it down , for the guys asleep upstairs."I asked then I walked over to the kitchen counter placed my hands on the cold ceramic and assumed the position . Millhouse pulled down my pants and slipped off my leg . Fire boiled with in my veins, then he pulled off my underwear . Tears filled my eyes, I glanced over at Gerard and his light-skinned face was red as blood. Millhouse picked me up from behind , pulled my hair and head back and began raping me anally.
I kept my hands firmly planted on the counter , curled my nails upon it, wishing it was Millhouse's face. I turned my tear soaked face to Gerard and he mouthed , "just relax ", his breathing stiffened by anger . So I reluctantly relaxed into his stroke . He degraded me mentally and emotionally ,saying things to disturbing to write. I didn't speak back , untill he asked if I liked what was going on . I turned my head slightly and whispered through a river of tears " I am just trying to make you finish quicker." At that, I felt his body heave , he squeezed my stomach and buried his forehead into my back . He put me back down and whispered something about wanting to take my virginity . I made no movement and after a couple of seconds I answered sternly " Are you done ?" he let go of my hair and pulled himself out of me . " Yeah I am done " he said rather placidly . I put on my underwear , my leg and pants and walked quickly and softly back up the stairs into the room. I cried and screamed into my pillow , it was half an hour before I blew off enough steam to fall asleep.
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